39 - Miscommunication
by Bluebird0032
Summary: Trying to find a balance as he worries about Reaper, Mark misunderstands the advice his father gives him. Jake and Emma come for a visit and discover that they too have some communication issues.


_**Miscommunication **_

Mark entered his barn and approached the mustang's stall, letting out a deep sigh as he ran his hand down the horse's neck. He walked over to BlueBoy's stall and got a few sugar cubes down from the ledge, feeding one to BlueBoy and the other to the chestnut stallion that had found him in the woods ten weeks previous. Shaking his head, Mark went to Duster's stall and saddled his horse, nearly getting kicked more than once. Mark then got another harness from the hook and put it on the mustang before leading both horses out of the barn. Still holding onto the mustang's reins, Mark mounted up on Duster and rode south, back to where the wild horse had found him.

Once he arrived, Mark dismounted and took the harness off the mustang, petting the horse one last time. It was a beautiful, strong horse, but Mark didn't feel right in keeping him. This horse had saved his life… he wasn't going to imprison it in return. Mark slapped the horse, signaling it to go on its way, but to Mark's surprise, it just stood there.

"Go on now."

The horse turned and started nuzzling Mark's pocket, looking for sugar cubes.

"I don't have any," Mark chuckled as he gently pushed the horse away. "Go on… you deserve to be free."

Again, the horse just stood there. Mark shook his head and turned to mount Duster. He dug his heels into the horse's flanks and clicked his tongue, signaling Duster to move forward.

Mark hadn't ridden far when he realized there was still a second set of hooves behind him. Turning around, Mark saw that the mustang was following him. He dismounted and walked back towards the horse, shaking his head in confusion.

"What do you want? I already told you I don't have any sugar cubes."

Mark scratched the horse in some of his favorite places. The stallion again nuzzled Mark, but this time, he realized the horse wasn't doing it to look for treats. Curious to see what would happen, Mark remounted Duster and started a long ride across the property. After well over an hour, Mark realized that the mustang wasn't going anywhere.

The rancher returned to the homestead and put the mustang in the corral before taking Duster to the barn and unsaddling him. He had just finished putting Duster in his stall when Mark heard someone enter the barn.

"Hi, Pa."

"I thought you were letting that stallion go this afternoon?"

"I was, but he won't leave."

"What do you mean?"

"I took him out to where I found him… well, where he found me, and I tried sending him off, but he wouldn't budge. He followed me around the range for a good hour and then all the way back home."

"What are you going to do with him?"

"Well since he doesn't want to leave, I'll happily start training him. After six months of getting bucked off Duster, I'm more than ready for a new horse."

By the look in his son's eyes, Lucas could tell there was more to it than that.

"You really like him, don't you?"

"...He's the only horse I've ever connected with like this besides BlueBoy. ...Even then… it may sound silly, but… it's like he chose me."

"Silly? Mark, a wild mustang lets you ride him all the way home and then won't leave when you try to let him go? I'd say he definitely chose you."

Smiling, Mark grabbed his gear and walked out to the corral with his Pa. Lucas watched as the horse met his son halfway across the corral and then stood still as Mark put the harness on him. Mark then threw a saddle blanket over the horse and walked the mustang around the corral for a few minutes, talking to the horse like he would a friend. Next, Mark added the saddle, again walking the horse around the corral. Then Mark stood in the center of the corral with a lead rope and directed the mustang around in a circle at various speeds. Finally, Mark brought the horse back to him and patted his neck.

"Good boy."

Seeing that Mark was about to unsaddle the horse, Lucas called out to his son.

"Aren't you going to try riding him?"

"I don't want to do too much in one day."

"I think he would let you."

"...He might, but… I think I'll wait until tomorrow. Especially with his leg having just finished healing… I don't want to over do it. He walked quite a ways today."

Lucas helped Mark unsaddle the horse and then put the gear away as Mark put the mustang back in his stall.

"So what are you going to name him?"

"Name him?"

"Well if you're going to keep him, I thought you might want to call him something besides "the horse" or "that mustang." ...Although if you don't name him, I'm sure Little Miss McCain wouldn't mind naming him for you."

"Yeah, she told me her ideas before I explained that I was letting him go," Mark laughed. "Somehow I think Pink Princess doesn't quite suit him."

"So do you have any ideas?"

"...I'll have to think about it. To be honest… I kinda wanted to name him before, but…"

"Anything you name, you get attached to."

"And I already didn't want to let him go. ...You remember that rabbit I caught the first time you taught me how to lay snares?"

"Do I remember? It got into everything… I don't know why I let you keep it as long as I did."

Mark furrowed his brow in confusion until he finally connected the dots.

"...He didn't escape, did he?"

"Not exactly."

"I'm surprised you didn't cook him up for supper."

"...You were too worried about your pet rabbit to realize what we ate that night."

Mark laughed, shaking his head.

"I'm glad I finally got over that phase."

"You and me both. ...We better head in for supper, I'm sure it'll be ready soon."

"...Actually, Pa… there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

Hearing the change in his son's tone of voice, Lucas nodded, motioning towards the hay bales where they both sat down.

"...I… I think I'm losing control."

"Losing control? Of what?"

"My emotions…" Mark half heartedly laughed as he went on, "My sanity…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Reaper is trying to play games with me and… and he's winning. I thought my fears would go away… that things would simmer down, but… I'm up half the night… checking the boys… checking the rest of the house… sometimes walking the property. ...I just can't get him out of my head. The fact that he was able to come here, or at least send somebody here to shoot me before disappearing without a trace…"

"Have you heard anything since Christmas?"

"Well no, but… that was only two weeks ago."

Lucas took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"I understand… and I wish there was a way I could make it all go away, but…"

"I know you can't, Pa, and I'm of course not asking that… I know this is something that neither one of us can "fix." ...But how do you deal with it? When DeFord threatened me before Osborne's trial… that was one thing. But now… I have a wife, I have two sons… and I have a lunatic running around, playing games with my life. ...I mean, I could very easily be dead right now."

"They were only warning shots, Son."

Mark looked up at his Pa in confusion.

"...You mean they didn't tell you?"

"Yes, you were hit, but…" Lucas stopped, seeing the look on his son's face. "What is it?"

Mark hesitated in answering, but knew he needed to be honest… he had promised not to hold back.

"...Pa, I lost too much blood. I found out later they had to do a blood transfusion. Even after that… Andrew wasn't sure if I was going to make it."

Lucas stared at his son in disbelief.

"Mark… Mark, I'm sorry, I had no idea… you… what were you doing trailing after me?"

"Need I remind you whose son you're talking to?" As Mark spoke, he raised an eyebrow at his Pa. "I have yet to see a little thing like nearly dying stop a McCain."

Lucas let out a deep breath as he placed a hand on his son's shoulder.

"...Mark, until they catch Reaper, I'll be honest… it'll be hard. But I'll be here with you every step of the way. You know, I'm proud of you, Son."

"Proud?" Mark asked in confusion. "For what? Nearly getting you killed?"

"You did not almost get me killed, we talked about that already. The whole situation with Doolin and Dalton is behind us, understand?"

Mark nodded as Lucas tightened his grip on his son's shoulder.

"But I am proud of the man you've become. Of being willing to come back and face me, even when you thought I had tried to kill you. Of humbling yourself when you realized you were wrong, even though you know I don't blame you for thinking what you did."

"I should have trusted you. I should have stayed here and-"

"And I'm proud of you, Mark, for being willing to talk about this. For coming to me before things got worse. I know how much a threat like that can mess with your mind. And to answer your question, you deal with it by just living one day at a time. Taking precautions, but not worrying so much that you push everyone else away. You need to focus on pushing those fears away, instead."

"...Pa, when DeFord threatened me before the trial… and then everyone afterwards, were you…"

"Scared?"

Mark nodded.

"I was. And I was worried sick about you. But you know as well as I do that worrying doesn't do anything except waste time. I couldn't just sit there and focus on my worries… it just made things worse. I had to find a way to move on. Just breathe, be careful, and if you need anything, I'm here."

"...Thanks, Pa."

"I love you, Son."

**1MC1 **

A few mornings later, Cassie looked out her kitchen window to see Mark still standing on the back porch, where he had been for nearly an hour. A wide variety of emotions could be seen on his face as Mark stared into the distance, and each one of them concerned her.

Cassie picked Matthew up from the high chair and carried him upstairs to the boys' room where Daniel had been playing. She started bundling Matthew up as she turned towards her eldest.

"Daniel, I want you to put your coat on."

Daniel began to follow his mother's instructions as he asked, "Where we go?"

"I'm going to take you and your brother over to Grandma and Grandpa's."

"You not stay?"

"Your Pa and I will be over for lunch."

After the boys had their coats, hats, and shoes on, Cassie walked them to her in-laws'. She briefly knocked on the door before letting herself in, just in time to hear Lydia ask why they weren't going to church.

"Because the snow is too deep for the horses to pull the buckboard." Lucas stood and took Matthew from Cassie. "Good morning. Mark coming over soon?"

"...He told me what you said about reading from the Bible together this morning, but…"

"Is something wrong?"

"...I don't know, but… would you and Aunt Milly terribly mind watching the boys for a little while so I can talk to him?"

The kitchen door suddenly swung open and Micah walked into the room, Daniel running towards him.

"Papa Mi'ah!"

"Well, look what the weather drove in!"

Micah bent down and picked Daniel up.

"Well, I see who's the favorite grandparent around here now," Lucas declared, feigning hurt.

Cassie chuckled, shaking her head before Lucas turned back towards her.

"We'd be happy to watch the boys. You and Mark take as much time as you need."

"Thank you, Uncle Lucas."

Cassie gave Matthew a kiss before turning to leave.

"Cassie," Lucas called, catching her arm. "If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

Cassie gave a small smile and nodded.

"Thank you." She then turned to address her oldest. "Daniel, you behave. Obey the first time. I love you."

"Bye-bye," Daniel replied, waving.

Cassie said goodbye to Micah and Lydia before leaving the house. She crossed the yard and then walked around to the back porch of her home where Mark still stood, staring. Coming up behind Mark, Cassie gently put a hand on his shoulder.

Mark sharply inhaled, startled by his wife's touch.

"Are you alright?"

Mark slowly let his breath out, closing his eyes.

"Mark?"

"...I just got lost in thought."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Mark turned and wrapped his arm around his wife as they started walking back towards the house.

"Pa was wanting us all to go over and have church together, we should probably head next door."

"I already took the boys next door so we could talk and your Pa said to take as much time as we need."

As the door shut behind them, Cassie wrapped her arms around Mark's waist and looked up into his eyes.

"Please, Mark, tell me what's wrong."

"...I just got caught up in the past, that's all."

"Mark, don't do this, don't shut me out. Please… tell me what's troubling you."

Mark let out a heavy sigh as he bent down, resting his forehead against Cassie's.

"...I was thinking about your Pa… DeFord… the trial… the way those men treated you when John and DeFord took you the first time… the way John and DeFord handled you both times. ...How my trying to do right… almost cost me you… and Daniel…"

"Mark, we've talked about this, it's not your fault…"

"...Maybe not, but… you still got caught in the middle because of my actions. DeFord… he would have never touched you if this had just been between him and your father."

"You don't know that."

"Then Bryce Perry… I thought I was doing the right thing in avoiding a gunfight with him, but… you just got dragged into the middle of it…"

Cassie reached up and cupped Mark's face in her hands.

"You said yourself that he could have picked someone else just as easily. And you did do right by trying to avoid it."

"The point is, no matter how hard I try, you get caught in the middle! ...And… and now with Reaper…" Mark turned and rested his cheek on Cassie's head, tightening his grip around her.

"Mark, nothing is going to happen to me. They'll track him down eventually, and he'll get what he deserves."

"I just can't stand the thought of losing you…"

Cassie again cupped Mark's face in her hands, shaking her head.

"You aren't going to lose me. Mark, you have a wonderful, brilliant imagination; I could have never come up with the design for this home. But your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness. You're letting your imagination run wild and if you keep letting it roam free… all it's going to do is drive a wedge between us. You have good intentions, but when you get like this, you become withdrawn and… and angry. Don't let Reaper win in that area. It's all going to turn out alright."

Sensing the apprehension her husband still had, Cassie let Mark lead her to the table where he sat down before pulling her into his lap. Mark wrapped his arms around his wife, gently running his hand up and down her arm as he held her.

"I love you," Cassie whispered.

Mark bent down and gave Cassie a kiss on the neck, pressing his cheek against hers as he brought his head up.

They sat in silence for quite a while, Cassie realizing that right now, this was what her husband needed. Finally, Mark spoke up.

"Cass, I'm sorry…"

"Sorry? What on earth for?"

"...For not being a better husband… for not being a better father…"

Cassie turned around in Mark's lap, confusion written all over her face.

"Mark, what are you talking about? You're a wonderful husband and an amazing father. I love you… I couldn't imagine my life without you."

"No, Cassie… all I've ever done is put you in danger. I was being so selfish… I should have never asked you to marry me!"

"I chose to marry you, Mark, and I wouldn't have it any other way!"

"You deserve so much better than this… the boys deserve so much better than this… you'd be so much better off without-"

"Mark McCain, don't you dare say it!" Cassie stood and pulled up another chair before sitting down directly in front of her husband. She put her hands on both sides of his face and made him look up at her. "I love you. The boys adore you. We all need you. You have no reason to be talking like this!"

A tear fell from Mark's eye, followed by another… then another.

"Mark, what is going on? Please, talk to me," Casssie pleaded.

"You're married to a monster… all I do is hurt people…" Mark stood, shaking his head. "Just leave me alone…"

Mark started walking past Cassie, but she stood, blocking his path, grabbing his arms.

"No, Mark! I am not just going to leave you alone!"

"You're safer that way!"

Mark shook Cassie off of him and ran from the kitchen. Cassie followed after him, calling his name over and over again.

"Mark, please! Mark, listen to me! Mark!"

Cassie ran up the stairs behind Mark, but couldn't reach the bedroom door before he locked it. She pounded on the door, pleading with Mark to open it as tears streamed down her face.

Finally realizing that Mark wasn't going to unlock the door, Cassie took a step back and took in a deep breath; taking a moment to collect herself.

She briskly walked back downstairs and rummaged through a few drawers before finding the key ring. She returned upstairs and unlocked their bedroom door to find Mark sitting on the edge of their bed, head in his hands. Cassie walked to her husband's side and sat down, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. Mark tried resisting at first, but he finally gave in, laying his head on his wife's lap, tears running down his cheeks.

"I can't lose you… I can't lose the boys…"

"You aren't going to lose us."

"I'm just going to hurt you… you'd be safer without me!"

"No, Mark. I love you. I always have and I always will. No matter what happens, no matter what we go through; there is nothing that could change my love for you and I will always be here by your side. You are not a "monster." You are a wonderful, courageous, compassionate man who will always, always be my hero. I need you, the boys need you, the whole family needs you. Please, Mark, don't run away like this. We can do this, together."

They sat for quite a long time, Cassie's heart breaking more and more the longer she heard her husband cry. Finally, Cassie realized that Mark had fallen asleep. She gently repositioned him so he could lie down on the bed before pulling a blanket over him and giving him a loving kiss on the forehead, running her hand through his dark, brown hair.

Cassie took a seat at the desk, and after giving herself a few moments to breathe, pulled out a journal and began writing.

She had no idea how much time had passed before Cassie heard the front door opening and closing, followed by the sound of her father-in-law's voice. She looked to the time piece on the night stand to see that it was half past noon. Seeing that Mark was still sound asleep, Cassie quietly left the room and walked downstairs.

"Is everything alright? I wasn't going to check on you, but Daniel said something about you saying you were coming for lunch, and then Matthew needed to be fed and…"

"Please, you're fine. Sorry you had to bring him over." Cassie took Matthew from Lucas, trying to figure out what to say next.

Seeing the hesitation in Cassie's eyes, Lucas sat down across from her as Cassie put a blanket over Matthew and started feeding him.

"What happened?"

"...I don't know exactly."

"I'll stay out of it if you want me to, but did you and Mark have a fight?"

"No… Mark… I don't know what has come over him. We've talked about this man, Reaper, before and his threats, but… Mark's really taking this hard. He… he's belittling himself and… and saying things that make absolutely no sense…"

"Like what?"

"...Like saying that I should just leave him alone… that I'd be safer that way… that… that he's going to hurt me somehow..."

"...I'm sorry. Mark came to me a few days ago… I thought we had talked everything through, but apparently… apparently we didn't. I'll go up and-"

"Please, Uncle Lucas, wait…"

Lucas sat back down and waited for Cassie to go on.

"...I know he's your son and that you want to help, but… please, can I have a little longer with him? He's sleeping right now, anyway, and… and as much experience as you've had with these types of situations… I think right now, this needs to be handled between the two of us. I… I mean this in no disrespect, but… even if you've never said anything to this affect, I think he may feel pressure from you to be able to just ignore what he's feeling and move on."

Confusion shadowed Lucas's face as he replied.

"What makes you say that?"

"...We talked some the other night after the two of you did. His biggest take away… he felt like you were saying that he couldn't be worried."

"No… that's not what I meant at all."

"...The way I see it, from an outsider's perspective, I think he looks up to you, and he wants to be strong like you… so he'll keep pushing himself to measure up to you. It's not that he's trying to keep things from you or doesn't want to talk to you, ...but I think he feels that in order to handle things the way he thinks you want him to, he has to keep his emotions bottled up inside."

"He should know by now that I would never encourage keeping everything to himself."

"...I don't know exactly where the miscommunication lies, but right now… I think it's easier for him to open up to me. I think he doesn't even realize that he's afraid of not being able to handle all of it, and subconsciously, he's afraid of admitting that to you. I… because he thinks you want him just to ignore the way he's feeling… he doesn't want to open up to you… he doesn't want to let you down."

"But he knows the fears I've dealt with before…"

"I don't understand everything that's going on in his head, but… something inside of him is deeply confused. If you try talking to him… I'm afraid he might just close up. ...And… and besides all that… with all due respect, the things he has said… they… they have to do with his relationship with me and the boys… not with you..."

Lucas sat there for a moment, considering what his daughter-in-law had said. At first he was upset; he and Mark had always talked about everything, what right did she have to stop him from talking to his son, what right did she have to interfere? ...But then Lucas remembered, it wasn't just him and Mark any more. Mark had a wife, a family of his own… what right did he have to interfere when Mark's wife had asked him not to?

"...I understand. But after the two of you have talked, I do want to straighten this out with him."

Cassie nodded in agreement.

"I wouldn't want you two to not talk, I just feel that right now… it's better that I speak to him first. And please, this isn't a personal attack against you, most of the time I know he needs to talk to you, first…"

"Sometimes it just takes a woman's touch." Lucas faintly smiled before asking, "...How are you handling all this?"

"...Seeing Mark this upset worries me, in and of itself. But… I do also share Mark's concerns. When… when Mark first came home, shot… I didn't know what had happened. I kept trying to tell myself it had been an accident… his rifle misfired… but deep down, I knew something much more serious had happened. I'm trying to stay as strong as I can for the boys… for Mark… but…" Cassie closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. "The last person who threatened my husband… almost killed him. I try not to… but I keep reliving those weeks we thought Mark was dead… and now having both the boys here… the possibility of them growing up without a father…"

"It's going to be alright, Cassie. We'll find him."

Cassie looked up at Lucas and smiled.

"...I know."

Cassie and Lucas continued talking until Matthew was done eating. After saying goodbye to Lucas and her son, Cassie returned to the bedroom where she laid down beside Mark, gently running her hand up and down his arm.

Not meaning to, Cassie fell asleep and didn't wake until several hours later, when she opened her eyes to see Mark looking at her, worry and concern etched on his face.

"I'm so sorry…"

"No, Mark…" Cassie put a hand to his cheek, shaking her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for…"

"I shouldn't have put you through that…"

"I'm here, for better or for worse… forever and always."

"I… I'm sorry, Cassie. I didn't want to worry you… I thought I could just keep it all inside… I… I'm just so exhausted… and overwhelmed…"

"You're human, Mark. You can't carry the world on your shoulders and no one expects you to."

"I didn't mean to dump all that on you… I should have-"

"I'm your wife… do you remember what you said, the first night we were in California?"

Mark shook his head, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"You said that that week was about us learning to be there for each other, all the time. You said discussions like the one we were having, should happen between a man and his wife. Little did we know, marriage is always about learning to be there for eachother; in easy times, in hard times. And discussions like we had today… though it breaks my heart what you're going through… if you're feeling those things, that's a discussion that should be held between a woman and her husband. When we said "I do," we were promising each other that we would never have to go through something alone. You don't have to go through this alone, Mark. Please, don't feel like you have to hide your emotions from me."

Mark nodded, resting his forehead against hers.

"I… Cass, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm putting you and the boys in danger and besides that, I'm afraid of… I… I don't want to hurt you again…"

"Mark, what are you talking about? You've never hurt me before, you've never hurt any of us before."

"Not physically, but… you were right, what you said downstairs. When I get overwhelmed and worried… I get angry. I saw how much I hurt you when everything happened between me and Pa… and when everything went down between me and Bryce… and… I don't want to do that again."

"Avoiding each other isn't the answer, Mark. I'm not going to let you deal with this on your own. We'll figure it out together, one day at a time. And I wasn't saying that you get angry when you're overwhelmed or worried. ...That only happens when you try to keep what you're feeling to yourself. ...You might have turned me into an emotional wreck after we met," Cassie teased with a smile, "But that doesn't change the fact that I can still listen… that I want to listen."

Mark smiled back and gave his wife a gentle kiss.

"And you are not putting me and the boys in danger. You are a wonderful man, who brings so much good to the world. I don't know where I would be without you. And don't you ever…" A lump formed in Cassie's throat as tears started trickling down her face. "...Don't you ever think that we would be better off without you."

Mark pulled his wife close, this time giving her a long, passionate kiss. As their lips parted, Mark reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry… I just… I couldn't process everything… I couldn't think straight. Knowing how badly things could have turned out when I followed after Pa… realizing I left you here, alone, after someone had shot me… knowing Reaper isn't done with his games…"

"Mark, it's alright. Things worked out when you followed your Pa and Tom up to Santa Rosa. Nothing happened to us, here. But I understand how overwhelming it all must be. ...And this last year… things have been so busy… the house, the cattle… your Pa working in town. ...Then to add to everything, you got shot and after that, everything that happened between you and your Pa. ...I know you two have needed time to work through some things, and I'm glad you did, but… I think now, especially with the added stress of Reaper's threats, we need to focus on our family. I love your parents, and your sister, and having Micah around, but… we need more family time. You and me need more time. Even breakfast… I can't think of the last time we sat down and ate breakfast together, let alone read the Bible together. We need to slow down… we need to let life settle down. We're losing touch… and I think that's part of why it took me so long to realize there was something bothering you."

"...Part?"

"...The other part is that I wasn't really paying attention, and for that, I'm sorry. I just… I just assumed that if you needed to talk, you would. It wasn't until this morning that I realized you might be holding back. ...Please, Mark… don't be afraid to talk to me."

"I… I guess it's only fair… considering what you put me through when you're pregnant…"

Seeing the teasing gleam in her husband's eye, Cassie rolled her eyes before giving Mark another kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too. And I promise… we'll make more time for our family."

"...Are you going to be alright? I know this doesn't change anything about Reaper…"

"...But it does change how much of a load I'm trying to take on by myself. ...I'm gonna be worried until he's behind bars, but… thank you for talking, Cassie. Thank you for pushing me."

"I'm sorry I didn't ask you to talk about it sooner."

"...What about you? I know this can't be easy on you, either."

"Easy, no, but… we'll make it through. After you were shot… it brought back so many memories… it still does. I'm worried… but I can't let that keep me from living. There's a delicate balance between the two. ...And like I've said… as long as we're together, I'll always be alright."

"If you ever need to talk about it, Cass, please don't hesitate, especially if you're apprehensive because of me. I'd much rather us talk about it than me sitting here, wondering how you're doing."

"As long as you promise you'll do the same."

"I promise." Mark gave Cassie a kiss, gently caressing the back of her head. "...I guess we should probably go get the boys…"

"Your Pa said to take as much time as we need…" Cassie replied, kissing her husband once again. "And I have it under good authority that we need some more…"

**2MC2 **

That evening, Lucas was finishing his evening chores when he looked across the yard to see the light in his son's barn. He blew out the lanterns before walking across the yard. Upon entering Mark's barn, Lucas saw his son in front of BlueBoy's stall, petting the horse.

"Mark, do you mind if we talked?"

Mark turned and nodded, following his Pa to a hay bale and sitting down.

"...I wondered if something was on your mind, the way you were looking at me during supper."

"Apparently there's something we need to clear up. When we talked the other night, I was in no way trying to tell you to just ignore how you felt or keep everything inside. All I meant to say is that you can't let your emotions control you. I'm sorry if what I said caused you even more hurt."

Mark thought for a few moments before replying.

"...That makes sense now. I should've realized it before, but… I guess I was just so overwhelmed and confused by everything running around in my head… and then the way I brought past experiences into things…"

"What do you mean?"

"...I mean you've always been so strong for me. I looked at the way I've always seen you handle situations and tried to measure up… but I forgot that a lot happens behind closed doors…"

"...Yes, it does. ...Son, Cassie… Cassie said you told her that she would be safer if she just left you alone?"

Mark slowly nodded, letting out a deep breath.

"...I've hardly gotten any sleep the last few weeks. I knew I was headed in a bad direction, so I tried talking to you… and then I took what you said wrong. The more I tried to focus on not worrying, well… the more worried I got. I just started getting consumed with memories of almost losing Cassie… remembering that most of them were a direct result of things I had done…"

"Now, Mark…"

"I know. But being so exhausted… I just couldn't think straight, keeping it all inside. Especially considering the fact that what little sleep I have been getting has been riddled with dreams about what happened in Chicago… except… well, it wasn't Mrs. Thomas I was shooting at."

Lucas put a firm hand on his son's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I wasn't more careful about my wording."

"I can see the points you were trying to make, now… it's not your fault."

"Are you going to be alright?"

"...I'm going to be better. Like I told Cass, I'm going to be worried until Reaper is behind bars, but… I have my head screwed on a little straighter now."

"Good."

"Pa… I know we've kinda talked about this before, but… what made you so sure about giving your blessing when I wanted to propose to Cassie? I mean, I was barely nineteen and she was only eighteen…"

"Because you were both ready. You don't regret marrying young, do you?"

"...It's not that I regret marrying her. I've loved these last five years with her. I just…" Mark quieted, shaking his head.

"Mark?"

"That was something else that I've been thinking about these last few days. I was the one who proposed so early… if we had waited… if Cassie had been older… would she have lost the baby?"

"You can't blame yourself, Son, we've been over this. We don't know what would have happened."

"...It's strange… I can't believe… if that baby had survived… they would be starting school next fall… if… if I had…"

"Mark, look at me."

Mark turned and looked up at his Pa.

"Losing that baby was not your fault. You can miss them, you can grieve, but don't start blaming yourself again."

Mark nodded, letting out a deep breath.

"And I don't care what time it is, if you need to talk, you know my door is always open."

"...Pa, after you and Ma lost that first baby… did you ever… I mean, could you envision them as if they had made it?"

Lucas faintly smiled as he nodded.

"I could see them crawling around the front room… running through the yard… riding in front of me in the saddle."

"...What about as I got older?"

"I still think about it from time to time. Would they live on the ranch with us? Did they go off to school? Who would they have married?"

"...Do you ever wonder… if that baby had survived… and I had never been born…"

Lucas looked at his son in surprise. Knowing what Mark's answer would be, he asked, "Do you ever wonder what it would be like if your first child had survived, but your boys wouldn't have been born?"

"No… I couldn't imagine a life without them."

"And I couldn't imagine life without you, Mark."

"Pa, thanks for being there, no matter what… even when I mess up."

"You've put up with quite a few of my mistakes as well, Son."

"...Just so you know, Cassie and I are going to be taking some more time for us and the boys. I want you to know that we're not avoiding you, but…"

"Your family needs to come first, Son, I understand."

"...Do you think life will ever, really settle down?"

"...I think there will always be times and seasons when life is quiet… we've had plenty of those, they just get interrupted more often than we'd like. We just have to take life one day at a time… enjoying the peace and quiet while we can… sticking together when things get rough. I know Reaper is out there, and we need to be on the lookout, but right now, here, at home… things are quiet. Enjoy it."

**3MC3**

Wednesday morning, Lucas led Razor from his barn and mounted up to see Mark leading his mustang from his own barn a few moments later. Crossing the yard, Lucas made his way towards his son.

"Finally decided to try him out?"

"I would have preferred to wait for better weather, but Duster was extremely agitated this morning. And after getting thrown yesterday, I'd rather take my chances with Sergeant than Duster."

"So, you finally decided on a name," Lucas commented as Mark mounted up.

"Yeah… I thought it fit him pretty well." As Mark replied, he slapped the horse's neck before both men signaled their horses to start moving. "Everything alright with Lydia?"

"As far as I know; what makes you ask?"

"Well I could hear her crying when I headed to the barn this morning."

"Oh, that…" Lucas shook his head and rolled his eyes. "We had to deal with a little bit of a temper tantrum this morning. She wanted to go to town with us."

"...Was I much trouble at that age?"

"No, not in that regard. Your Ma and I had to get on you more about not wandering off or getting into things. Your curious mind was usually what got you into trouble."

"How do you think Lydia is going to take to school?"

"I'm not sure about that one yet… I guess we'll be finding out this fall."

"At least she'll have Madelyn, Madison, and Michael with her."

"True. I think half the battle with you, at the beginning anyway, was that there was no one your age. …And then moving around so much, you couldn't really get settled in anywhere." Lucas briefly paused before asking, "...Do you wish we would have settled down sooner? If it wasn't for our family and life now, I mean."

"...I don't really know. They were hard years, but… they were also good years. Special years."

There were several moments of silence before Lucas looked over to see Mark deep in thought.

"Care to share your thoughts?"

"...I'm just wondering what our lives would be like if Ma had survived. Don't get me wrong, I love our life, but… it's weird to think about just how different things could be. What would be different… what would be the same? Are there people we would have met either way?"

"I know what you mean."

"...You know, it was strange, when I went to Enid… I had expected all these memories to come back to me… I thought I would get this sense of "home." ...But it was mostly foreign. I didn't remember as much as I thought I would. And there were some people who recognized my name, who knew me when I was little or who knew you and Ma, but most of them… they were just strangers. It's weird to think that had things turned out differently, everyone in Enid would be our friends and neighbors, and everyone in North Fork would be strangers to us."

When Lucas didn't say anything in response, Mark looked over to see a distant look in his Pa's eye. The same look that came over Lucas any time Mark brought Enid or his mother up.

"...Pa?"

Lucas turned and looked back at his son.

"...We talked about going back, together, when the time was right..." Mark hesitated, not wanting to say what he knew he needed to. "...But… I know there may be reasons… maybe reasons beyond Ma, that you might not want to go back. I'm not going to ask what those reasons are… but I'm realizing more and more how much the idea of going back to Enid bothers you. ...So I just want you to know, that… that if you can't go back, I understand now."

"...Son, I appreciate what you're saying. But I promised…"

"You promised that we would go when the time was right. But I'm letting you know that… well… I understand if the time isn't ever right. I don't want you to go back out of obligation… I don't want you to go back if you're not ready to."

"...Thank you."

Once the men arrived in town, Lucas and Mark ran errands, picking up what supplies Mark could bring back on Sergeant. While Lucas went to check the mail, Mark stopped by the telegraph office.

"Morning, Mark."

"Morning, Amos. Anything for Pa or me?"

"Yeah, you got a wire from Jake yesterday."

"From Jake?" Mark asked, slightly alarmed. Jake always wrote, he never wired.

"Yes… here we are."

Mark took the wire from Amos and read it, a smile coming over his face.

"You want to reply?"

"Please."

Mark wrote his reply and handed the paper to Amos.

"...That'll be fifteen cents."

Mark slapped the change on the counter and thanked the man before heading back to the horses where he met Lucas.

"Any wires?" Lucas asked, handing Mark his mail.

"Nothing for you and Ma."

Lucas eyed his son curiously.

"Everything alright?"

"...Don't tell Cassie, but Jake and Emma are coming for a visit next month."

"Well, I say it's about time they came for a visit. ...You think you'll be able to keep it a secret from Cassie?"

"I've pulled off a few surprises before, and as long as no one else finds out, I think we'll be fine." Mark mounted up on Sergeant after taking one last saddle bag from Lucas. "What time do you get off tomorrow?"

"Supposedly eight, but you know how hard it is for your uncle to get out the door with three children under foot. I'll meet you at the north end of the box canyon."

"Sounds good."

Mark started to turn Sergeant aside, but Lucas grabbed the horse's halter.

"And Mark?"

"...Yeah?"

"Don't try working past sunset again."

"How did you…" Mark quieted, realizing who would have told Lucas. "...Ma?"

"Yes, your Ma. Working that late this time of year is just asking for trouble."

"I'll behave," Mark teasingly sighed. "See ya in the morning."

"Bye, Son."

**4MC4**

January turned to February, more snow falling than North Fork had seen in years. The night after the McCains had celebrated Matthew's first birthday, Lucas woke to the sound of a knock on his bedroom door. He slipped from the covers and opened the door to see his daughter standing in front of him, crying.

"Lydia, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Lucas knelt down to his daughter's level and put a hand on her shoulder.

Lydia wrapped her arms around Lucas's neck and buried her head into his shoulder as she answered.

"Papa, bad men come!"

"Shh…" Lucas picked his daughter up and walked out to the front room, sitting down in his chair with her. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Lydia nodded as tears continued to fall down her face.

"They come to get me!"

"No one's going to get you," Lucas assured as he gently rubbed his daughter's back.

"Yes, they come!"

"No, Lydia. You're safe, I promise. It's just you and me, your Ma, and Papa Micah here. No one's here to get you, and no one's going to hurt you." Lucas thought for a few moments before going on, "You know, I remember when Mark was your age…"

"Mark's not little," Lydia declared, sniffling as she sat up.

"No, not any more," Lucas chuckled. "But he used to be little. And like you, sometimes he would have bad dreams, too. Now I wasn't very good at helping him fall back asleep, so his Ma would usually sit up with him, sing to him…"

"You sing, Papa?"

"I'm afraid I don't have a very good voice. So instead, if I was sitting up with Mark, I would read him a book or tell him a story. Would you like that?"

"Please, Papa, sing?"

"I…"

"Please?"

Lucas's mind brought him back to a time long past; before Lydia, before Mark… before Margaret. Back to when his own mother would sing to him, lulling him back to sleep."

"Just one?" Lydia asked.

"Alright…"

As Lucas softly sang to his daughter, the sound of his own mother's voice came to mind.

"_Sleep my child and peace attend thee,_

_All through the night_

_Guardian angels God will send thee,_

_All through the night_

_Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,_

_Hill and dale in slumber sleeping_

_I my loved ones' watch am keeping,_

_All through the night_

_Angels watching, e'er around thee,_

_All through the night_

_Midnight slumber close surround thee,_

_All through the night_

_Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,_

_Hill and dale in slumber sleeping_

_I my loved ones' watch am keeping,_

_All through the night_

_Angels watching ever round thee_

_All through the night_

_In thy slumbers close surround thee_

_All through the night_

_They will of all fears disarm thee,_

_No forebodings should alarm thee,_

_They will let no peril harm thee_

_All through the night_."

Lucas went on, tenderly singing to his daughter until she finally drifted off to sleep. He returned Lydia to her bed and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Returning to the front room to blow out the lantern, Lucas looked out the front window to see that his daughter wasn't the only one of his children that was having trouble sleeping.

After putting on his hat, boots, and coat, Lucas went outside, following the tracks Mark had left in the snow before finally catching up with his son.

"Mark, is everything alright?"

"...Just making sure everything is as it should be."

"Do we need to talk?"

"...We've been over all of it before… I'm trying to not get worked up over it. I just… tonight I needed to be extra sure."

"I understand… I spent plenty of nights doing the same thing you are."

"...You were right about what you said, about there being quiet times and seasons… I guess I was just always too preoccupied to notice… or too busy anticipating the next "storm," so to speak, to realize it."

"And where would you say we are now?"

"...The last year has had its ups and downs, and I acknowledge that things seem pretty quiet... I'm trying to just accept that..."

"But?"

"...Back when I was in school, Mr. Griswold spent a few weeks discussing the weather each year. He talked about how there are some types of storms, especially along the coast, where suddenly everything gets real calm and quiet. Most people assume it's over, but as Mr. Griswold explained it, they're actually just in the "eye" of the storm… a break in the clouds… and the worst is yet to come."

"And you feel like that's where you are, now?"

"I'm trying not to be paranoid, but I felt this same way after the trial… and then when John got away. Only both times, I let my guard down and… well, you know what happened."

"...I can't tell you what's going to happen next… no one can. ...I know how difficult this has to be for you, and I'm not discounting how you're feeling or what you're saying; but you are doing the right thing, pacing yourself, trying to not overthink it all. On the other hand, know that I'm right there alongside you, keeping an eye out with you, watching your back."

"...Thanks, Pa."

Lucas and Mark walked the property for a short while longer before heading back to their respective homes. Mark quietly entered his house through the kitchen door and took off his boots and coat before heading upstairs. He checked on the boys and found them peacefully asleep, then quietly made his way to his own bedroom. As Mark got underneath the covers, he suddenly heard his wife's voice.

"Mark, is everything alright?"

Mark put an arm around his wife, snuggling close to her.

"Everything's fine."

"What were you doing?"

"I went on a walk."

"In that weather? You're going to catch your death out there!"

"I'm fine, the fresh air did me good."

"Just so long as you're not getting too much of it… these late night walks are going to catch up with you, sooner or later."

"It takes more than a little bit of cold weather to take me out. I'll be fine."

Cassie chuckled and shook her head. She turned and gave her husband a kiss before letting him pull her closer to him.

**5MC5**

The following morning, Cassie was carrying Matthew downstairs, Daniel right behind her as she looked out the window to see Mark hitching up the team.

"Mama, where Papa going?"

"I don't know…"

"Me go, too?"

"Probably. We'll have to see."

Cassie continued down the stairs and got the boys settled at the kitchen table before starting breakfast. A few minutes later, Mark entered the room and greeted his sons before walking to his wife and wrapping his arms around her, giving her a kiss.

"Mark, why is the team hitched?"

"I've gotta run an errand in town, I won't be gone long."

"But it's Saturday?"

"I know, and I'll be back to spend time with you and the boys before Pa and I head out this afternoon, but there's something I have to take care of."

"Why don't we all go? You have the team hitched up, anyway. It feels like it's been ages since we all went into town."

"I… um… I have to pick something up that's gonna take up quite a bit of space."

"In the front seat?"

"It's… um… well a couple things. Besides, the boys really shouldn't be out in the cold like that two days in a row, we have church tomorrow."

"I could ask your Ma to watch the boys, and we could drive in together."

"...I'd love to Cass, but I gotta go... now." Mark gave Cassie a kiss on the cheek. "Bye boys, be good."

"Mark what about your..."

Mark made an exit through the back door before Cassie could finish her question. He walked around to the team and climbed up into the buckboard, shaking his head.

"Smooth, Mark, real smooth…"

Mark drove into town and pulled up to the marshal's office before heading inside.

"You take the night shift last night?" Mark asked, surprised to see his uncle at the desk.

"No, just took over for Curt a few minutes ago. You need him for something?"

"Naw, just wasn't expecting to see you. Can I steal a cup of coffee from you?"

"Help yourself," Johnny replied, gesturing to the stove. "Whatever happened to you hating the stuff?"

"I was actually wondering about that the other day. One day I absolutely hated it and the next I was asking for it. ...I think all those head injuries mighta done a little more than make me lose my memory."

"A head injury, make your taste for things change? That doesn't sound right."

Mark shrugged, sipping his coffee as he sat down across from his uncle.

"What brings you into town today?"

"Jake and Emma are coming for a visit, I'm picking them up from the station."

"What time does their train get in?"

"Ten."

"What are you doing here this early?"

"Well I wasn't going to leave the house so early, but I didn't have much of a choice. Jake said Emma wanted to surprise Cassie, but when Cassie saw that I had the team hitched, she started saying she wanted to come into town with me. I ran out of excuses and just told her that I had to leave right away and sorta ran out of the house."

"I'm sure she's not suspicious at all…"

"At least a visit from Jake and Emma is the last thing she'll be expecting."

"...You heard anything from Reaper lately?"

"No, not since December."

"...I'm sorry we couldn't find anything after you were shot."

"It's not your fault. I'm just glad I'm still alive. Reaper, or whoever he sent to shoot me, sure didn't know what they were doing." Mark suddenly quieted as a new thought struck him. "...Or they were really good and knew exactly what they were doing."

"We'll find him, one of these days."

"...Do Laura and Ben know?"

"Know what?"

"That Reaper was the one behind me getting shot."

"I told Ben. To be honest I don't know if he told Laura, but… I could understand if he didn't. She… she's been through enough."

Mark solemnly nodded before changing the subject.

"Madelyn taking to school any better this semester?"

"She's making progress, little by little."

"How about the hotel and store? Things going alright there?"

"We got an offer and I finally convinced Lou to sell the store, so we at least don't have that to worry about."

"Business going bad?" Mark asked in surprise.

"No, it's good… just too much to manage right now."

"Well who's buying?"

"A young woman, 'bout your age. Says she used to live here… Lorrie Foster ring a bell?"

Mark nearly choked on his coffee.

"Lorrie? Lorrie's back in town?!"

"Is that a problem?"

"I just… ohh…" Mark shook his head, then looked back at his uncle. "I bet your wife is enjoying herself."

"What do you mean?"

"Lorrie…" Mark cringed. "She had a crush on me until the day she left North Fork to live back east with her aunt… and who knows how long after that! I tried being nice, tried being friendly, but… it got to the point where I couldn't take any more. I used to hide from her in the hotel until Pa was ready to leave town."

"Well, serves you right after all the teasing you did before me and Lou got married."

"Yeah, 'cept now I'm married, too. ...But she probably got over that a long time ago, anyway."

"I don't know… I thought it was curious that she was still single…" Johnny teased.

"Why come back here, after all this time?"

"She told me and Lou her aunt died and left her a sizable inheritance… but she didn't want to stay out east. Said she wanted to come back home. She has a few things to finish taking care of back east, and then she'll be moving here sometime in March."

"This is going to be awkward…"

"I'm sure you're working yourself up over nothing. You're both grown, mature adults now. You got over Cassie's cousin, didn't you?"

"It was still awkward and embarrassing."

"Come on, how bad could it be?"

"You don't know Lorrie…"

"Well, this just might get interesting, then," Johnny laughed.

Mark visited with his uncle for a while before Johnny invited Mark to walk the town with him. They finished shortly before ten and the two men walked to the train station. The train was surprisingly on time and before long, Mark lost his uncle to the newcomers looking for directions. Finally, Mark saw Emma and Jake step off the train and headed their direction.

"Jake, Emma, it's been too long," Mark greeted as he shook hands with the Texas ranger.

"It feels so good to be back," Emma replied.

"I see you've managed to stay in one piece," Jake quipped.

Mark laughed, shaking his head as he responded.

"Barely. My buckboard is just down the street."

"We can't thank you enough for putting us up," Emma stated. "The hotel would have been fine."

"Nonsense, there's plenty of room at the house and I know Cassie will want every last minute with you she can get."

"You know I'm looking forward to trying one of those fancy water closets," Jake laughed.

"...How did you know about that? I don't remember mentioning it in any of my letters."

"Your wife told my wife and Emma told me. I'm kinda surprised you built one."

"Yeah, I didn't want to, but… Cassie really wanted one. I will say, not having to trudge through the snow to the outhouse has been kinda nice."

Everyone loaded up in the buckboard and Mark urged the team forward, headed for the ranch.

"So how old are the boys now?" Jake asked.

"Daniel is three and Matthew just turned one. ...This last year has flown by."

"I can't believe it's almost been three years since we left North Fork," Emma commented. "It seems like just yesterday we were announcing our engagement."

"We sure have missed you around here. ...You still set on staying in Texas?"

"Afraid so," Jake replied. "Like I've said, it's my calling."

"And?" Emma hinted.

"Emma, please…"

"And what?" Mark asked, glancing at Jake before turning his attention back to the road. "Something going on?"

"Jake's being promoted."

"Promoted? Congratulations!"

"It's not official, yet."

"What are you up for?"

When Jake hesitated, Emma quickly replied, "Captain. And it might as well be official; they gave him this leave so once all the paperwork goes through he could start his new position right away."

"Jake, you don't look too excited."

"I just don't want to count my chickens before they hatch. After all, if they catch wind of some of the trouble you got me in…"

"The trouble _I_ got _you_ in? As I recall, it was the other way around… most of the time."

The threesome laughed as the buckboard continued to bounce down the road towards the ranch.

**6MC6**

Cassie stared at the door that had just closed behind her husband. Her brow furrowed in confusion before anger shadowed her face. She forcefully filled three bowls with oatmeal before setting them on the table. Grabbing three spoons from the drawer and slamming it shut, Cassie handed both of her sons a spoon before dropping into her seat, driving her own spoon into her bowl.

"Mama, where Papa go?"

"Apparently to town."

"When he come back?"

"I don't know."

"Why we not go?"

"Because apparently there's not enough room and it's too cold," Cassie angrily answered.

"...You mad wi' Papa?"

"Mad?" Cassie asked, raising her eyebrows. "I'm more than mad! Does it matter to him that he promised more family time? No. Does it matter to him that he's cutting into what little time we can carve out? No. And how oblivious does he think I am? It's obvious he's avoiding us, avoiding me. He's hiding something and whatever that is... " Cassie stopped, realizing she was ranting to her three-year-old. "...Just eat your oatmeal. I'll deal with your Pa later."

Cassie quickly finished her breakfast before starting to clean the kitchen, not keeping a bowl out for Mark like she normally would. Mumbling to herself as she cleaned the dishes, Cassie didn't realize how much she was splashing or how much water had fallen onto the floor. Her angry thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she heard Matthew call to her, "Mama, Mama!"

Cassie turned around to see Matthew laughing, the remainder of his breakfast on his head.

"Oh, Matthew…"

Daniel started laughing and put his spoon down before reaching for his bowl and looking at his mother with testing eyes.

"Daniel Lucas you will not dump that on your head!"

Before Cassie could stop him, Daniel continued his course of action and turned his bowl upside down, dumping oatmeal on his head. Cassie sighed in frustration and pulled both bowls off her sons' heads before getting a wet cloth, starting to wipe Daniel down first.

"Daniel, I told you no," Cassie firmly reprimanded.

"...But Matthew…"

"Matthew is a baby and is still learning right and wrong. You know not to put food on your head, and you know what it means when I tell you not to do something."

"...Matthew funny…"

"And you still disobeyed." Cassie finished wiping her eldest down before picking him up from his seat and setting him on the floor. "You will go to your room and wait until I come to get you."

"But…"

"Go," Cassie firmly replied, eyebrows raised.

Daniel turned and left the kitchen, Cassie hearing him start up the stairs. She turned back to Matthew, who at this point had stopped laughing, realizing that something was wrong. Cassie sat down beside Matthew and started wiping him down.

"No-no. We do _not_ put food on our heads. Food is for you to eat, not play with."

Matthew looked at his Ma for a moment before grabbing a fist full of oatmeal and offering it to Cassie.

Cassie let out a sigh, shaking her head… finally trying to keep herself from laughing as she realized just how silly the boys had looked.

After she had finished cleaning up Matthew and the rest of the oatmeal on the highchair, floor, table, and Daniel's seat, Cassie picked Matthew up and carried him upstairs. She set him down to play in the corner of the room before walking to Daniel and sitting down beside him.

"Do you know why I sent you up here?"

"...Me bad."

"What did you do that was bad?"

"Me not listen…"

"And?"

"...Me p'ay wi' food."

"That's right. You need to listen, not disobey."

"Obey good," Daniel said in confusion.

"That's right. When you listen, you're obeying and that's very good. That makes me happy. When you don't listen, when you do something you're not supposed to, that's called DIS-obeying, and that's bad. Just because Matthew does something, that doesn't mean that you can just do whatever you want." Cassie paused before going on, "...You knew I told you no downstairs."

Daniel nodded as he looked to the ground.

"Me bad…" Daniel slowly looked back up at Cassie. "...Me sorry, Mama. Me 'elp clean."

"I…" Cassie caught herself and changed what she was going to say. "I already picked up the mess you and your brother made with the oatmeal, but you can help me finish the dishes."

Cassie saw a tear starting to trickle down her little boy's face and picked him up, setting him on her lap.

"What's wrong?"

"Mama… you mad wi' me?"

"No, Daniel," she tenderly replied. "We have to talk about it when you disobey, but I'm not mad at you, and I love you very, very much."

Daniel reach forward and gave his Ma a hug around the neck. Cassie gave him a kiss on the head before setting him down.

"Now, let's finish getting the kitchen back in order."

Daniel holding her hand, Cassie carried Matthew back to the kitchen and set him in the high chair, putting a few blocks on the tray. She then pulled a chair up to the sink and had Daniel "help" her finish washing the bowls, spoons, and cups from breakfast. When they were done, Daniel jumped down from the chair and quickly ran to grab a towel before cleaning up the water on the floor.

Realizing how bad the entire kitchen floor was, Cassie moved the table and chairs against the far wall and started sweeping, then scrubbing the floor, Daniel attempting to help his mother wherever he could. After that, Cassie moved on to the dining room, then the foyer. It was well after eleven when Cassie was finally standing on the back porch, dumping the dirty water. As she returned inside, Daniel ran up to her.

"Mama, me 'ungry."

"We'll eat as soon as your Pa gets back," she replied before mumbling, "If he ever does get back…"

"What for lunch?"

"Probably just sandwiches and-"

"Hey Cassie, do you have any hair ribbons I could borrow?"

Cassie turned around to see her best friend standing in front of the swinging kitchen door.

"Emma!" Cassie pulled Enma into an embrace as Jake and Mark walked in behind her; Daniel running up to Mark, calling to him. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"Jake has a few weeks of leave, so we decided to come for a visit. Oh, it's so good to see you," Emma declared, pulling Cassie into another hug.

"Hope you don't mind having a few house guests, Cass," Mark said.

"Of course not! When did you get in? How long can you stay?"

"Just this morning. We can stay a week, and then we want to see our families, as well."

"Just how long have the three of you been planning this?"

"About a month," Jake replied. "And don't you get upset at Mark for not telling you, we asked him not to."

"You must be hungry, I'll have lunch ready in just a few minutes."

"Jake and me will go finish taking care of the horses."

As the men headed back outside, Emma and Cassie excitedly squealed, giving each other another hug. The women quickly took to chatting, elated to be together again.

Over lunch, the McCains and Hamptons caught up before Mark announced that he had to head out to the range with Lucas. Jake volunteered to go along, and after the boys had been put down for their naps, Cassie and Emma headed to the sitting room to visit.

"So with Jake's promotion, are you still going to be moving every few months?"

"No, we'll be moving to Odessa, Texas for a more permanent assignment. I'm glad we'll be able to settle down… especially since it's not on the Mexico border like some of his other assignments have been." Emma briefly paused before continuing, "You were never one to be able to stay in one place very long… with all this snow, are you able to make it to town very often?"

"Unfortunately, no… Mark and Lucas have made most of the trips into town this last month and we've had to stay home from church more often than not."

"I'm sure your Ma is looking forward to spring so she can see her grandsons a little more often." Seeing the change in her friend's demeanor, Emma quietly asked, "...Is everything alright?"

"...I didn't write you about Ma?"

"...No?"

"...Ma… Ma died a year ago…"

"Oh, Cassie, I'm so sorry…"

"She, um… she had a stroke…"

"Are you alright?"

Cassie slowly nodded as she took in a deep breath.

"It still hurts… but I was able to accept it fairly early on. ...It was hard though, not having Ned and Anna here for the anniversary…"

"I know Anna's off at school, but where was your brother?"

"I didn't tell you about that, either?"

Emma shook her head.

"I thought I had when I wrote to you about the house… anyway, Ned got promoted, but he also got transferred down to the border."

"How are they doing?"

Cassie gave a slight chuckle as she answered, "Ned hates it, but they're doing alright. They visited for Christmas and surprised us with the fact that Helen is pregnant. She's due late June or early July and…" Cassie quieted as a look she couldn't identify came over Emma's face. "What is it?"

"Oh, Cassie… I have to tell somebody… I just don't know what to do."

Cassie took her friend's hand as tears formed in Emma's eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I… I'm pregnant…"

"Pregnant? That's wonderful! ...Why the tears?"

"It's Jake… I don't think he wants children…"

"Now what on earth would make you say a thing like that?"

"He never wanted to try, I mean really try, to have children. Any time I brought it up he just said we weren't in a good place to be trying for children."

"But now you won't be moving all over the place; he'll get a raise with his promotion and…"

"But it's more than that. Whenever I bring up having children one day he just seems uninterested… it's almost like he can't wait to change the subject."

"I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding."

"And if it isn't?"

"...He will get used to the idea and as soon as that baby gets here he will completely fall in love. This is one of the most exciting times of your life, don't get all worked up and worried about it. I'm sure as soon as you tell him, Jake will be ecstatic."

"But how… how do I even go about telling him? How did you tell Mark, when you were pregnant with Daniel?"

Cassie gave a hesitant laugh before replying.

"...The way I told Mark is not the way you want to tell Jake… Once I finally gave in and went to Doc I hid it for over a month before I finally broke down crying one night. Mark kept trying to get out of me what was wrong and I finally explained that we were going to have a baby."

"Were you afraid that he didn't want children?" Emma asked in confusion. "Mark has always been so good with kids…"

"He is, and he's amazing with the boys, but… I had a lot of pent up fears about losing the baby. I didn't want to get his hopes up… in case… in case we lost the baby."

"What would make you think that?"

Cassie hesitated, waiting a long moment before answering.

"...Daniel wasn't my first pregnancy."

"Oh, Cassie… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright." Cassie gave a faint smile before going on. "...Telling Mark about Matthew was much better… although I don't think it'll work for you. I sort of had Daniel tell him. Daniel was learning new words and while Mark was out of town I taught him to say "baby" and point to my stomach."

"That's so sweet," Emma chuckled. "...But how… how do I tell Jake?"

"Sounds to me like you need to do just that… just come out and say it."

"But… but I can't," Emma panicked. "What if he… what if he's upset or…"

"Emma, he's going to find out sooner or later… and you're beginning to show. You have to tell him. But it'll all turn out fine; Jake loves you."

"Can you and Mark be there when I tell him? If you're there, maybe he'll react better…"

"Emma, this is a special moment for you and Jake, you should have some privacy. ...But I do have an idea…"

**7MC7 **

Lucas had sent Mark and Jake farther down the fence line as he finished rounding up cattle. Once they were out of Lucas's earshot, Mark didn't waste anytime.

"Alright, out with it."

"Out with what?"

"Something's bothering you. I could tell from the moment you got off the train."

"...Mark, I just don't know what to do…"

"What's wrong?"

"It's Emma… she… I think she's pregnant."

"You think?"

"She hasn't said anything, but…"

"...So what exactly makes you think she's pregnant?"

"She doesn't feel well a lot… especially in the mornings. She's getting fatigued more easily. The dresses she has that don't adjust, like her Sunday dress… they're getting tight on her. And at night she's had horrible leg cramps… I remember when my Ma was pregnant with my brothers… she had the same thing. ...And… to be honest… she's been unusually… moody."

"What has she said when you suggested taking her to the doctor?"

"Just that she's fine… that it's all "normal." Emma's never been real healthy, but… this is different than her normal problems."

"Well then why don't you ask her?"

"That's just it… if she is pregnant, why doesn't she say something? If she's not… well… Mark, it's been almost three years. ...We haven't been… "trying," but… I thought by now… I thought by now we would have at least one. Which, with all the moving around we've been doing, is why I didn't necessarily want to try. If she's not pregnant, I don't want to discourage her by asking… I know how much I've looked forward to having children..."

"...Jake, I think you either need to just come out and ask her or insist on taking her to the doctor. I'd suggest the former, though. Sounds to me like she's pregnant, and she probably knows it. You need to find out why she doesn't say anything."

"I just… I don't want to mess anything up. We went through a rough patch at the end of last year… there were a lot of things that she was dealing with, from her past and… and I said some wrong things, and she took some things wrong… we worked it all out, but I really don't want to accidentally start an argument."

"You can't live your whole life walking on eggshells. You need to be able to communicate with your wife openly and honestly. Your marriage will be the better for it."

"But how am I supposed to ask her? Am I supposed to just ask, "Emma, are you hiding a pregnancy from me," out of the blue?"

"I would hope you would do it with a bit more tact."

"Then just how am I supposed to do it?"

"Be gentle, be patient, beat around the bush, and if she doesn't say anything, then ask her if she thinks she might be pregnant. ...Just make sure that it comes across as a suggestion, not an accusation."

"You make it sound so simple…"

"That's because it is."

"...How long did Cassie wait to tell you about the boys?"

"She was nine weeks with Matthew when she told me."

"And Daniel?"

"Four and a half months."

"Four and a half- how did you not realize she was pregnant?"

"She didn't show for the longest time with either of the boys. ...Do you remember me writing you about Oliver Lee?"

"Of course."

"...She got pregnant right around that time, maybe a little before that. Any of the symptoms she showed… we thought was her body dealing with the trauma."

"...Were you nervous about her being pregnant?"

"More so than our wedding day. But just like when we got married, I was also ecstatic. Don't worry, you'll make a fine father."

"I just… I want her to be pregnant, but what if she isn't?"

"Than the Lord will bless you with children when the time is right."

Everyone had supper at Lucas and Milly's that evening before the Hamptons and younger McCains returned to Mark and Cassie's. After seeing Emma and Jake settled in the sitting room, Mark and Cassie excused themselves to put the boys to bed.

As Cassie was giving Daniel a kiss goodnight, her son asked, "Papa still in trouble?"

Cassie couldn't help but chuckle as Mark turned from putting Matthew in the crib and asked, "What?"

"Mama mad wi' you," Daniel informed.

"No," Cassie began. "Papa is not in trouble and I'm not mad at him anymore. I shouldn't have been mad at him in the first place."

Mark crossed the room and put his hands on his wife's shoulders.

"Why were you mad at me?"

"I was upset at you for running out on us this morning. I felt like you were avoiding us and keeping something from me. ...I'm sorry I got mad… I know I can trust you."

"I figured this was one sercret I'd be forgiven for keeping," Mark replied as he gave his wife a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, Mark, it was a wonderful surprise."

Cassie turned and gave Mark a long kiss before Daniel interrupted them.

"So you get mad, me not trouble?"

"What?" Mark asked, breaking their kiss and looking to his son.

"Mama not mad, me trouble. Mama mad, you not trouble."

"No, that's not how it works," Cassie told her son. "Mama shouldn't get mad either way. But you will get in trouble when you disobey."

"Oh…"

"You get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow."

"G'night, Mama."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, Partner."

"G'night, Papa."

Mark and Cassie finished tucking the boys in bed and blew out the lamps before quietly leaving the room.

"What was all that about? You being mad and Daniel getting into trouble?"

"Daniel got into trouble this morning for dumping oatmeal on his head after I told him not to. When we talked about it, he asked if I was mad at him and I told him no."

"The things they piece together…" Mark chuckled and shook his head before heading to the staircase, but Cassie caught his arm.

"I told Emma we would stay up here for a few minutes."

"What? Why?"

"...She wanted to talk to Jake, alone," Cassie replied with a gleam in her eye.

"Then she is pregnant?"

Cassie lost her smile and looked at her husband in confusion.

"How on earth did you know?"

"Jake and I were talking this afternoon. He said he thought Emma was pregnant, but was afraid to ask her. Did Emma say why she didn't tell Jake sooner?"

"Emma said she was afraid Jake didn't want any children. Why didn't Jake ask her?"

"She didn't think Jake wanted children? Jake's looking forward to having children. He didn't ask because he was afraid of upsetting her if she wasn't expecting."

Mark and Cassie both started chuckling, shaking their heads. Suddenly from the sitting room, they could hear Jake whooping and hollering.

"WE'RE GONNA BE PARENTS!"

**8MC8**

It was a difficult goodbye when Mark and Cassie dropped Emma and Jake off at the train station the following week, but they all had known it was coming. Promising to keep in touch, the families bid farewell before going their separate ways.

As February drew to a close, Cassie noticed Mark becoming more and more tired; though he never complained and tried to hide it. She could tell he was starting to come down with something, but Mark kept insisting that he was fine.

Finally one afternoon, Cassie was cleaning the sitting room when she heard the front door open and close, followed by the sound of someone having a coughing fit.

"Mark, is that you?"

Cassie walked out to the foyer to find her husband taking off his gloves and coat, his face a dark shade of crimson and coughing something fierce.

"Mark?"

"You… were right," he admitted between coughs.

"About what?"

"All those… late night… walks… catching up with me..."

Her brow furrowing in concern as the corners of her mouth turned downward, Cassie walked to her husband's side and put a hand on his shoulder.

"What can I do?"

"I just need… some quiet… my head…"

Mark didn't finish his statement as he started up the stairs. Cassie walked to the bedroom with Mark and drew the curtains and got an extra blanket for him as he changed.

"Do you want me to start some broth for later?"

"I don't care…"

Seeing how miserable he was, Cassie gave Mark a kiss before quietly taking her leave. She quickly set to putting a roast in the oven, hoping it would be done before Mark woke in case he wanted any of the broth. Not wanting the boys to make a ruckus when they got up from their naps, Cassie quietly woke the boys and bundled them up before taking them to Lucas and Milly's.

"Lydia was just asking if you were coming over today," Milly called from the couch, where she and Lydia were folding laundry.

"I'm afraid I'm here to ask a favor."

"Is something wrong?"

"Mark came home, sick. He's absolutely exhausted and I don't want the boys to wake him. I hate to ask this, but would you mind keeping an eye on them this afternoon? I'll pick them up before you leave for the meeting."

"The meeting… I'm glad you said something, I completely forgot… I need to start something for supper. But yes, I'd be more than happy to take the boys."

"Well I can help you out with supper, I have a roast in the oven now. I wanted the broth for Mark but I also figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and make enough for everyone to have supper. ...I just don't have a side."

"I can whip up some mashed potatoes in no time. Thank you."

"Thank you for watching the boys. I'll bring supper over when I come to get them."

"Can't you stay?" Lydia asked.

"I wish I could, but I have to work on some things at my house."

"You never come over any more…"

"I come over almost every night for supper?"

"That's different…"

"Well once spring hits your Ma and me will be working together a lot more. But I'll tell you what, as soon as Mark gets better, you can come over and make cookies with me and the boys one afternoon… as long as it's alright with your Ma."

"Please Mama? Please?"

"Just as long as you behave."

"Yay!"

Cassie chuckled at the little girl's excitement.

"It seems like just yesterday I was doing the same thing with you," Milly laughed.

"Just yesterday? To me, it feels like that was ages ago!"

"You and Ned would always fight over who got the spoon and who got the bowl…"

"Anna was the smart one… while you were distracted with keeping Ned and me from killing each other, she would sneak dough off the cookie sheet."

Milly and Cassie both chuckled as they remembered back, but suddenly, Cassie quieted as a thought struck her for the first time.

"...Aunt Milly, were we living somewhere else or… or did you know I was… wasn't…"

"...You were living elsewhere, but your parents told me that they had adopted."

"What's adot-ed?" Lydia asked.

When Milly hesitated to answer, Cassie replied.

"...It's when you take someone who wasn't part of your family, and make them a part of your family so they come live with you."

"Like Papa Micah?"

Cassie chuckled and passively nodded.

"I guess, like Papa Micah."

"You were adot-ed?"

"...Sort of."

"Mark adot-ed you?"

"No," Milly laughed. "Mark and Cassie got married, it's different."

"Why you were adot-ed?"

"Were you, and it's adopted," Milly corrected. "And you don't have to answer that, Cassie."

"...It's alright. Lydia, do you remember my Ma, who died last year? Your Aunt Catherine?"

Lydia nodded.

"...Well she sort of adopted me. She wasn't always my Ma, but she became my Ma."

"...Miss Ara your Ma."

"...That's right."

"So you have two?"

Cassie nodded.

"You have two Pa's?"

"No… no just one."

"Why?"

"...It's a little complic… actually, I did have two Pa's. You remember Mr. Edwin? He's sort of like my second Pa…"

"Oh, okay."

Relieved that Lydia was satisfied with the answers she had been given, Cassie started hugging her boys goodbye.

"And Daniel…"

"Obey first time. Me be good."

Cassie cupped her boy's face in her hands and gave him a kiss on the forehead before doing the same to Matthew.

"See you all in a few hours."

That evening, Cassie and her boys ate supper at Lucas and Milly's before they returned home. Lucas, Milly, Micah, and Lydia all loaded up in the buckboard and headed to North Fork for the town meeting.

A great number of things needed to be discussed, but the evening finally drew to a close as Lucas brought up the last order of business.

"Now, as you're all aware, the election for town council will be held at the beginning of April. Myself, Doc Burrage, Reverend Graft, and John Hamilton will be running again. As most of you know, Micah turned his chair over to Johnny Gibbs when he retired. Even though Johnny hasn't served a full term, in accordance with the town charter, he will also be running. Is anyone else wanting to announce that they're running for town council?"

Lucas tried to keep a straight face when Dwayne Higgins stood up and declared, "I'm running against Marshal Gibbs."

"...Alright, Mr. Higgins, noted. Anyone else?" The crowd remained silent. "Alright then. You have two more weeks to announce your candidacy if you change your mind."

"Lucas, what about Stephan's seat? Why wasn't that ever turned over to Ben?"

"I was just getting to that, Angus. When Stephan left, we had the intention of turning over his seat to the new teacher within a few months, if we felt it would be beneficial to the community. However, while we would have liked to bring Ben onto the council, he wasn't old enough. The town charter requires that any man on the council must be at least twenty-five years old. All of the town council members have been sharing what were Stephan's responsibilities. In accordance to the town charter, this evening we will be taking nominations and the two men with the most votes will run for town council, should they accept the nomination. If one of the nominees should decline, then the person with the next amount of votes will then be given the opportunity to run. If you were given a piece of paper when you came in, please go ahead and write your nomination and put it in the box when it comes around. Any questions?"

Mr. Miller raised his hand and waited for Lucas to nod him on.

"How old is Mark, now?"

"...He just turned twenty-five in December."

"Thanks."

As the men of voting age began casting their votes, Lucas turned to John Hamilton.

"...With Mark's name having been brought up, I don't think Johnny and I should be involved with counting the votes."

John nodded in understanding. Ten minutes later, the banker stood to announce the results.

"The two men with the most nominations were Andrew Burrage and Mark McCain. Since both these men are related to men already on the town council, I will be leaving the nominations up front if you wish to look them over before we close up the church."

Lucas took over again and ended the meeting. He answered a few questions before getting his family and heading home. On the way back to the ranch, Milly noticed that Lucas was unusually quiet.

"Lucas, aren't you excited?"

"...I guess I'm just a little surprised."

"Surprised, Lucas-Boy? I've been waiting for this day for quite some time," Micah commented.

"...I suppose "surprised" isn't the right word. It doesn't really surprise me… and I'm proud of Mark, I guess I just… how can he be old enough to be running for town council?"

"I know what you mean," Milly chuckled. "When are you going to tell him?"

"Mark was feeling pretty miserable before he went home this afternoon… I don't want to disturb him tonight. I'll go over tomorrow morning and see how he's doing, probably tell him then."

"Papa, what's town council?"

"Well, Lydia… it's sort of the people who are in charge of a town. We have to make sure everyone is taken care of, that we have school and church, and a lot of other things."

"But we not live in town?"

"We _don't _live in town," Milly corrected.

"We may not live in town, but we're still part of North Fork. We go to church there, we have friends there, we get our supplies there, and soon, you'll go to school there, just like Mark did."

"Mark not like school, me…" Seeing Milly turn to her, Lydia partially corrected herself, "I not like school."

"I'm sure you'll love school," Milly replied.

"No, I stay home and help!"

Milly and Lucas looked at each other with raised eyebrows, realizing they had a long road ahead of them.

**9MC9**

The next morning, Cassie was making breakfast when Lucas knocked and came through the back door.

"Morning Uncle Lucas."

Daniel ran up to Lucas calling, "Gan'Pa, Gan'Pa!"

"Morning."

As Lucas picked Daniel up, he heard Matthew calling, "Guh-Pa!"

"Well, what do you know about that!"

"Just don't tell Mark," Cassie chuckled. "Matthew still won't call him, "Papa," and I think it's really getting to him."

"Speaking of Mark, how is he?"

"Not too good, I'm afraid. I don't think he's ever asked me to let him sleep..."

"I'll see to your barn before I head out."

"I did most of it, I just didn't want to leave the boys too long so I didn't quite get to everything."

"You should have waited for me or Micah to do it."

"How was the meeting last night?"

"Interesting… we had quite the turn of events."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell you two about it when Mark's feeling better."

"Gan'Pa, me 'elp you today?"

"I'm afraid it's too cold for that. Besides, if you're gone, who would help your Ma with Matthew? He needs his big brother."

"Me big, me 'elp!" Daniel proudly declared.

Lucas set his eldest grandson down before Daniel ran back to his seat and stood up on his chair, entertaining Matthew.

"Cassie, if you need anything today, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you."

"I'll see you tonight. Bye, boys!"

After Cassie got the boys eating breakfast, she headed upstairs with a bowl for Mark. Halfway up the staircase, she could hear the violent coughs coming from their bedroom. Cassie hurried through the door, set Mark's breakfast on the nightstand, and sat down beside him, feeling his forehead.

"Should I ask your Pa to get Doc?"

"No…" Mark replied with a cough. "I'll be fine in a few…" Mark was interrupted by another coughing fit.

Cassie looked at her husband in concern, waiting for him to catch his breath.

"Mark, please?"

Mark turned onto his side and pulled the covers up farther over him as he mumbled, "I don't care…"

"...Your breakfast is on the nightstand. Call me if you need anything."

Cassie returned to the kitchen, only to find Matthew spreading oatmeal over his head.

"Matthew…"

"I tried say no, Mama," Daniel declared. "He not listen!"

"I'll clean him up in just a minute. You sit tight and watch your brother, I have to catch your Grandpa."

Cassie walked back out to the foyer and grabbed her coat. She checked both barns before entering Lucas and Milly's through the kitchen door.

"Cassie, what brings you over here?" Milly inquired.

"Uncle Lucas, would you please ride for Andrew or Doc?"

Standing from the table, Lucas asked, "Is Mark alright?"

"He's just getting worse… he hardly put up a fight when I asked him if we should get the doctor… I think it's getting serious."

"I'll be back soon."

Cassie returned home and began cleaning Matthew and his mess of oatmeal. As Daniel finished his breakfast he turned and asked, "Me see Papa?"

"Papa's really not feeling well, he needs quiet."

"Me be quiet!"

"He's also trying to sleep. But Grandpa went to get Doc to make Papa better. As soon as your Papa's feeling up to it, you can go see him." After she was done wiping Matthew down, Cassie picked him up from the high chair and set him in the corner. "Can you get some toys and play with your brother while I clean up?"

"Yes, Mama!"

Cassie cleaned the kitchen before moving the boys to the front room where she sat, mending some of Marks shirts. When Doc Burrage finally arrived, Cassie immediately took him upstairs while Lucas stayed with the boys.

As they entered the bedroom, Cassie saw Mark's breakfast still sitting on the nightstand, untouched. She sat down beside her husband and gently shook him awake.

"Mark, Doc Burrage is here to see you."

"...What? Why? Who went…" Mark was interrupted by several violent coughs.

After Mark caught his breath, Cassie asked, "Don't you remember our conversation earlier this morning?"

"I don't know…" Mark replied, rubbing his head.

"Looks to me like you should've been to see me days ago," Doc commented as he and Cassie switched places. "How long have you not been feeling well?"

"It just really got bad… yesterday…"

Mark continued coughing as Doc listened to the rancher's lungs.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I don't… know…"

"I'm sure you have a headache?"

Mark nodded.

"When did that start?"

Mark rested his head against the wall and tried to think back.

"A week… week and a half ago, maybe?"

"Have you been tiring easily?"

"I guess…"

"Has your chest been tight as all?"

Mark nodded.

"How long, Mark?"

"...Two… weeks?"

The doctor shook his head in disapproval.

"You're smarter than this, Mark."

"...I know… I… I was just hoping…"

"Hoping that what, a case of pneumonia would just go away? You're going to kill yourself one of these days." Doc rummaged through his bag before handing Cassie a bottle. "Give him a tablespoon of this every two hours until the coughing dies down, then once every four. Mark, I know you don't have much appetite," the doctor said, gesturing to the bowl of oatmeal, "But I want you to have at least five or six cups of broth every day. It'll keep your strength up."

Mark nodded, coughing once again.

"If you get worse, I want someone to come get me. Otherwise, I expect to see you at my office in a week. And you're not getting out of this bed until then."

"...Thanks, Doc…"

Cassie walked the doctor back downstairs where Burrage explained Mark's condition to Lucas.

"...And make sure he stays in bed. I don't want him making himself worse by getting up the second he feels better."

"We'll try, Doc. Do you want me to drive you back to-"

"Lucas McCain, I've taken I don't know how many trips between my office and your ranch over the years. I'll be just fine, thank you. It's almost like you people think I'm getting old or something…"

"You old," Daniel declared.

"Daniel!" Cassie chided. "Doc, I-"

The doctor interrupted Cassie with a laugh.

"It's alright. Leave it to a child to speak the truth. I will see you all later."

Lucas and Cassie saw Doc out before returning inside.

"Oh, Uncle Lucas, how could I have not realized how bad he was?"

"He hid it well…" Lucas sighed. "He takes after his mother in more ways than one…"

"He's so miserable…"

"But he'll be alright, just give it a few days."

**10MC10**

Sunday morning, Cassie was making breakfast when she saw her husband come through the kitchen door. Daniel excitedly greeted him as Cassie began to chide him.

"Papa!"

"Mark McCain, what are you doing out of bed?"

"Is it a crime for a man to have breakfast with his family?"

"It is when you're supposed to stay in bed for three more days."

"Papa, you trouble?"

Mark and Cassie both answered their son at the same time.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, he is."

Cassie shook her head as Mark picked Daniel up and took him to the table to sit down. From his high chair, Matthew started calling, "Pa-Pa, Pa-Pa."

"Hey, what do you know?" Mark reached out to tickle his youngest after weakly coughing. "Somebody finally learned my name."

"Mark, you should really be…"

"Please, Cassie, just breakfast? I promise I'll behave after that."

"Please, Mama? Papa be good!"

Cassie shook her head and laughed as she set the plate of pancakes on the table.

"Alright."

Over breakfast, Cassie couldn't help but smile as Daniel excitedly told his Pa about all he had been doing to help while Mark was sick. It helped her relax some, seeing Mark enjoying the time with both of his sons.

When Cassie started to clear the dishes from the table, Mark stood to help her, but Cassie stopped him.

"Oh no you don't. You're not even supposed to be out of bed."

"But I feel f…"

"You felt "fine" for two weeks before you finally crashed. We don't need you getting worse again!"

Mark walked to his wife and took the plates from her hands, setting them on the table. He put his hands on her shoulders, looking deep into her eyes.

"...Do you have any idea how pretty you look when you're upset?"

Cassie set her hands on her hips, her expression showing that she was not amused.

Mark laughed and gave his wife a kiss on the forehead.

"Alright, I promised…"

Mark started to turn, but Cassie grabbed his shirt and pulled him close, giving him a kiss.

"I love you."

Over the next several days, Mark continued to improve. Wednesday morning, for the first time in quite a while, all of the McCains and Micah headed to town. Doc Burrage gave Mark a clean bill of health before the family set to running errands and picking up supplies.

After they were done, the family headed to Lou's for lunch. They had just finished ordering when Johnny entered the restaurant and made his way towards their table.

"Well, good to see all of you in town. Mark, congratulations. When are you starting your campaign?"

Mark looked to his uncle in confusion.

"My what?"

"Your camp-"

"Johnny, I haven't told him yet," Lucas explained.

"Oh… sorry to spoil the surprise."

"What surprise?" Mark pressed.

"Son, I was waiting until Doc gave you the all clear to tell you. I was actually just getting ready to bring it up."

"Bring what up?"

"You and Andrew were nominated to run for town council."

"I… we were what? That can't be right…"

"Since Stephan or the board didn't turn Stephan's seat over to anyone when he stepped down, the town charter requires that the men running for his seat be nominated by the townsfolk. And you and Andrew were the top two nominees."

"But I… I can't be old enough."

"You're twenty-five," Micah replied. "That's the requirement. Congratulations!"

"You still have to win the election," Milly began, "But we're all proud of you."

Mark sat there, shocked. Everyone chuckled at Mark's reaction… except Cassie. She could tell there was more to his reaction than the others could see.

Over lunch, and then supper that evening, Lucas, Milly, and Micah all talked about how proud they were of Mark and how, should he win, he would do the community proud. Lucas continued to emphasize how much he looked forward to working with Mark on the council. Lydia even chimed in, declaring that her big brother was going to be the "boss."

"...Except for Papa," she added. "No one is the boss of Papa."

Later that night, after Mark and Cassie put the boys to bed, they walked down to the sitting room and sat in front of the fire.

"...You're not happy about this, are you?"

"...I don't know, Cass. I'm… I'm honored… I'm humbled… but… I can't accept the nomination."

"...I'm listening?"

"First and foremost, I promised you that we would make more time for the family. Spring and summer are busy enough with the cattle, and I know all the extra work Pa has to do for the council over those months, as well."

"I would understand if-"

"No, Cass. I'm not going to let this come between our family. You were right, we were losing touch and we're just starting to get our priorities straight again; I'm not willing to take something else on right now. On a very secondary basis, I don't want to run against Andrew. It's not that I'm afraid of losing, but I feel that he would be the better choice."

"Now what makes you say that? He's only been here a few years, you've grown up here."

"But Andrew is ten years my senior; he lives in town, he has children in school… and to be honest, Doc Burrage probably isn't going to be around much longer. We should have a doctor on the council."

"...I respect your decision, Mark, ...and I appreciate the fact that you're turning this down for our family."

"My place is here, first. The home is the heart of the town, and if I don't put my family first… what kind of example would that be?"

"...But I still think you would make a wonderful councilman."

"I think you may have a slight bias, Mrs. McCain."

Cassie gave Mark a playful kiss. However, as she looked back into his eyes, she could see hesitation there.

"What is it?"

"...My one reservation is letting Pa down. He was so… so proud today, and now…"

"Your father is proud of you, period. You don't have to be a council member to make him proud. ...But if this is something you really want, Mark, we can find a way to make it work, we can-"

"No, Cass. It's not the right time. Maybe one day… when I've had a _lot_ more life experience."

Mark put his arm around his wife and pulled her close, resting his head on hers.

"When we found out my Grandma Scott had died… what made you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Come up to the hayloft after me."

"...You were hurting… you were alone… and your parents hadn't come out to check on you."

"That didn't make you think that I just wanted to be by myself?"

"...I figured that's what you wanted, but… sometimes you have to give someone what they need, not what they want. I remembered going through my Pa's "death" with no friends… no family to support me. Lou tried… but I felt like she saw me as a little kid. Like I've said… your Pa did help me through it, but I remember wishing that I had been able to talk about it with a friend… someone my age… someone who maybe wouldn't try to impart their wisdom on me, but just listen. Once I got you talking… that's why I stayed quiet."

"It was in that moment that I knew… that I knew you cared. Until we were at Aunt Milly's I didn't realize it was more than friendship, but… you helped me feel, really feel again. I just wanted to be angry at first. For a long time… anger was all I felt because of Aiyana. But with you… I could laugh, I could cry… I could be vulnerable. I don't know what made you put up with me… but I'm thankful you did."

"It was never a matter of putting up with you, Cass. ...I honestly wondered how much more you would put up with all that grief I gave you… I guess I kinda take after my Uncle Johnny when it comes to teasing."

"...I think we both knew what we were avoiding saying when the banter started between us."

"...I love you."

Mark pulled Cassie into a deep, passionate kiss… only for their moment to be broken by the sound of their son's voice coming from the top of the stairs.

"Papa, me thirsty!"

**11MC11**

Early Sunday morning, Lucas was working in his barn to finish the chores before they had to leave for church. He was closing the gate to Razor's stall when he suddenly heard footsteps behind him. The rancher turned around to see his son standing there, hat in his hands.

"Mark, is everything alright?"

Mark took in a deep breath and Lucas saw the confidence that had been missing enter his son's eyes.

"Yes sir, I just needed to tell you something before we left."

"...I'm listening," Lucas replied; surprised his son had addressed him as, 'sir.'

"I wanted to let you know that after the service this morning I'll be announcing that I won't be running for town council. I will not be accepting the nomination."

Lucas's brow furrowed in confusion as he looked at his son in surprise.

"Why, Mark?"

"It wouldn't be in the best interest of my family for me to take anything else on right now, I feel that Andrew would be the better choice, and I don't feel as though I'm experienced enough to be taking on this role in the community."

"You may be young, Mark, but after all you've been through in life…"

"I recognize that there's still so much left for me to learn."

Lucas looked at his son, confounded by Mark's position.

"I'm sorry if…" Mark quieted, realizing that this was his decision to make and that he had nothing to apologize for. "...I hope that you're not disappointed, but I can't… I won't accept this nomination."

"Disappointed? Son, I'm proud of you; I've always been proud of you. ...I respect your decision and I respect you, as a man, for putting your pride aside and doing what you feel is best for yourself, for your family, and for your community."

Mark faintly smiled as he replied.

"Thanks for understanding, Pa."

Before church started that morning, Mark made his way to Reverend Graft and waited for him to finish speaking to another member of the congregation.

"Mark, glad to see you back, we missed you last week. What can I do for you?"

"Reverend, I have an announcement I'd like to make at the end of the service, if you don't mind."

"Of course not." The reverend's smile grew wider as he went on, "I'm assuming this has to do with the meeting you missed out on last week?"

"Yes sir, it does."

"I'm looking forward to this election, Mark."

"Me too."

Mark went back to his family and sat down, the service beginning a few moments later. Reverend Graft delivered a rather fitting sermon on God's calling before closing in prayer. Before the congregation could stand, the reverend addressed them once again.

"As most of you know, Mark McCain was unable to attend our last town meeting. He asked me if he could say a few words after the service, so if you would please stay seated for a moment, this shouldn't take long. Mark?"

Mark made his way to the front of the church and the reverend turned the pulpit over to him.

"Thank you. As the reverend said, I was unable to make it to the meeting, and I apologise for my absence; I could have put a stop to this whole thing before it got started. I was surprised, confused, honored, and humbled when my Pa told me I had been nominated to run for town council. But right now, in this season of life, that's not my calling. Most of you know this has been a very full year for my family and I'm just getting my priorities back in order. It wouldn't be fair to them, and I believe, considering my limited experience, it wouldn't be fair to you for me to run for town council at this time. While, again, I am very honored and humbled, I cannot accept this nomination. ...I believe Tom Merar had the third most votes?"

Mark looked to his Pa, then John Hamilton, both of whom nodded their heads.

"Tom, Andrew, may the best man win."

—

"_All Through the Night" _was penned by Edward Jones in the latter part of the 18th century.


End file.
